Clarity
by savedher
Summary: After S4 E8 - Jean wants Lucien to use his words. The S5 promo has probably made this AU, but I had already written it so I'm posting anyway.


"You must know how I feel about you."

"How would I know? You never told me!"

"I asked you to marry me twice!"

"No, you didn't."

"Jean! You know perfectly well that I tried..."

"But you never actually asked me."

"Jean!"

"The first time we were so busy doing calisthenics that your wife came back from the dead."

"How was I to know..."

Jean began to move away. Lucien grabbed her hand.

"Jean! You didn't allow me finish the question the second time."

Jean withdrew her hand and lowered her voice to a whisper. "You were married! You're still married."

"You know perfectly well that I've been spending every spare moment I have on obtaining a divorce. The only reason I would have to do that is you."

Jean sighed. She noticed that his hands were clenched where they rested on his thighs. She took one of them into her hands.

"Jean." He put his hand on her cheek.

She watched him gather himself up to make another of his rambling speeches that usually served to muddy the waters further, rather than clearing anything up. She always had to interpret his meaning for him. She straightened her spine and looked at him defiantly. She wasn't going to do that this time.

He cleared his throat and looked into her eyes. "Jean...I want you."

Jean frowned.

"I need you."

She turned her face away from him.

"I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

She began to walk away.

"Jean. Please."

He took a deep breath. "Jean. You're the only woman I have ever loved with my whole heart."

Jean took a breath, intending to object to that.

Lucien held up his hand to stop her.

"I loved Mei Lin, but it was an impulsive, immature love. There were others that I thought I loved, but there is no comparison to how I feel about you."

"I think I knew it the day I met you. You were so feisty and capable,and you had my father wrapped around your little finger."

Lucien noticed Jean's lips curve up in an almost imperceptible smile.

"I bet he was a little in love with you, too. The way you sashayed around the house..."

"I do not sashay."

He raised his voice a little. "The way you sashayed around the house as if you owned the place. And you did. Day by day I realized it was your home even more than it was my father's or mine.

When you said you were moving to Adelaide, I couldn't bear it. The loss was too great. There was so much I wanted to say, but I was afraid I would drive you further away."

There were tears on his cheeks now. He took a moment to compose himself.

Jean took his hand in hers.

"When Mei Lin appeared on our doorstep...my feelings for you, if anything, grew stronger. I tried to tell you so many times, but something always came up, and you kept pushing me away." He stopped her before she could protest. "I know you were doing what you thought was best, but I knew I could never love her as a wife again. Not after I'd grown to love you."

"Jean. I told you a long time ago that life would always be messier with me. I didn't realize then just how messy."

"I love you, Jean. I will always love you. When I get home too late to tell you or don't come home at all, I will still love you. There will be days, maybe even weeks, when I forget to tell you. But I will still love you.

I will love you during our darkest days, when we're old and toothless, when you've stopped speaking to me because I burned all of your yarn for an experiment."

Jean laughed through her tears.

"If you die first..." His eyes filled with tears again. He paused and cleared his throat. "Even if it happens tomorrow. I will love you and only you until my dying day."

"Lucien." She kissed his cheek.

"Jean. I will do everything I can to make you understand how much I love you. And when we're married, I will have a few more tools to use in that quest."

Jean blushed and squeezed his hand.

"Loving you has made me a better person. I have a family again, and you are at the heart of it. In my heart, you are already and will always be my wife."

"Now. Have I made my feelings clear?"

Jean put her arms around his neck and pulled him close. "Perfectly."


End file.
